Too many legs under the table, too many reasons for trouble

NME Shockwaves Tour: The Cribs + Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong + Does It Offend You, Yeah? + The Ting Tings, Leeds Uni, 09/02/08

The NME Tour is meant to be a cross section of the current musical scene. Almost like an artefact for musical historians to look back on, and no doubt say things like “Christ things got a bit desperate at the start of the 00s” and “Andrew WK?????”. It can be hit and miss. I doubt anything will beat 2005’s Killers/Futureheads/Bloc/Kaisers combo in terms of nailing the zeitgeist. Especially for grabbing the top and tailers before they went completely up themselves. Then last year, The Automatic headlined. Smooth.

So did McNichols & Company get it right this time?

All eyes are always on the opening slot, but I can’t see The Ting Tings Live At Wembley Stadium ever being a proper sentence. Not that they put on a bad show, but their garage pop will always be better suited to intimate venues. And you can get a better look at Katie White, a miniature Debbie Harry who was doing her best to inject some life into this static room. There wasn’t much variation in their set, but they had enough catchy headnodders that should have at least got a few people moving. Great DJ and That’s Not My Name only got a vague response. It wasn’t looking good…

Does It Offend You, Yeah?’s name and aesthetic could easily see them dismissed as Hoxton Twats. But they bring the noise, filthy and unforgiving. The stuttering high hats of Justice collide with a frantic heavy-bass-and-yelping combo not heard since Death From Above 1979 hung up their elephant noses.

“You lot are better than last night already!” exclaimed chief yelper James Rushent. Really? Doesn’t say much for last night. There was a bit of action down the front, but my companion and I were trapped behind a wall of non-movers. We went for it anyway, because its noise that makes you want to spazz. Let’s Make Out isn’t a request, you have no say in the matter. They’re all over your face in seconds, Rushent dives into the crowd and has the shirt torn from his back. Well, he was asking for it. We Are Rockstars does nothing to lower the momentum. Screams, demolition, CHAOS. At least in my head. But a few more had caught on by now. Why did it have to end?

JL&TJJJ (no easy way to talk about this band, 2008 being Year Of The Silly Name) found themselves bumped up a slot amid an increasing amount of exposure and hyperbole. And they have the odd tune to back it up. Like Razorlight before you realised Johnny Borrell was a cunt. But something was missing. I wasn’t engaged. I still had that ace We Are Rockstars bassbeast going through my head. DIOY,Y? would have been much better precursors to the main event. Lucio Starts Fires will always get me on the dancefloor, but their live experience just left me empty.

So, I had issues with the crowd and dared to question their passion. What was up with the kids? Too many deadlines lately? Well shut my mouth. I always knew a homecoming (of sorts) by The Cribs would be A Show, but this was just astonishing. I’ve never seen an audience so completely in the hands of the performers. But The Cribs inspire that kind of passion. And this being the second night, it weeded out all the little fashionistas who were quick off the mark to secure tickets only to spend the evening screaming at Joe Van Moyland. The opening non-stop trio of Don’t You Wanna Be Relevant, Our Bovine Public and Hey, Scenesters! had the kids moving like they should have been all night.

It was recently pointed out to me the level of attack aimed at the Pigeon Detectives in Our Bovine Public. Example:

“I'll never forget how all this begun
And I will never regret a thing I have done
But you would never exist without us, so maybe I do...”

When the Detectives released their debut, I thought The Cribs were in trouble, that they had competition. Did they Balls. The Cribs exist in a refreshingly bullshit-free world, and they know pretenders when they see them. They’re not in this business to make friends, or apparently even have that much fame. They make music, they have one of the most passionate bunch of fans around. That’s enough. Pigeon Detectives pale on repeated listens, and I can’t see increased exposure and bigger venues doing anything to improve that. Wakefield’s true kings delivered a hit-laden set that saw bruised feet and discarded clothing from us all.

And then it happened.

“Please welcome our mate, Johnny Marr...”

And that intro to Panic was played. The boys in the audience either cried or went nuts (both in my case). And some of the girls did too, after they were told who he was.

Stick around for the rest of the set Johnny? Yeah go on then. It was a genius combination that should hopefully see some recorded output soon. Sonic Youth’s Lee Ranaldo was even beamed in for Be Safe. Those two in the same room? Happened.

The Cribs were top of the world, aptly supported by Does It Offend You, Yeah? and two others that will probably get more success than their talents merit. You can’t ever see The Cribs calling it a day any time soon, long may they continue...

Kebab Watch – I asked for donner and chips, and they chucked in a load of salad and shit without even asking. Dicks. Good chips though.